Well, it's the end of 2009. Last ever blog post for the year. I'm lying in bed doing this, as usual. Hmm, it's a new year, time for new beginnings! But first I guess it's time to reflect.

This year has been to say the least, eventful and colourful. Lots of stuff happened, good and bad stuff. I loved and lost again, went on awesome trips, learned lots of stuff in school and in the process I discovered new things about myself as well. It's been an interesting year I guess. There's no such thing as a good or bad year I suppose. It's what you make of the year. Lemonade out of lemons and all that crap, hha.

It's time to let go of the stuff that happened. You were a part of my life, good and bad parts, but still you were part of my life and that's pretty hard to ignore. It wouldn't be right to just ignore and pretend like you never happened because you did. It was wonderful and it was bad. But still, everything will still remain as memories to me. I'll acknowledge that. So thank you for the memories and now it's time for us to move on.

And I have to thank you Wei Zhong, because you were there for me when I needed you. You were my pillar of strength, my rock. Someone that was always there, always listening. You never demanded anything, never asked for anything in return. You were, and you still are, amazing to me. Thank you so much for all that you've done for me over this past year. And thank you for giving me such a wonderful end to this year. I couldn't imagine it being any other way, and especially not without you.

Well I guess it's time for me to start working hard again. God knows I've been slacking off during the holidays. Time to start writing again. Time for the creative juices to get flowing!

All I can say is that I hope 2010 will be as good as 2009 has been and that I will be able to get through the year without any casualties. I guess it's time to say goodbye..

So why do I feel a little reluctant to say goodbye to the year? Perhaps it's got to do with the fact that it feels as though we're pressing reset and we have to do everything all over again. And I'm getting a year older. The thought of doing everything again makes me tired already. Oh well.

Okay I am going to be positive. Go go go Nic! (:

Hello Demons!

It has been a hell of a year for us, we've travelled to different places, fought together, fought with each other, lived together etc etc. And you know what I have got to say? I love you guys, honestly I do. I have no idea where I'd be without you guys. You guys have been there for me through it all, when I'm going crazy, when I'm at the lowest low and when I'm high like some kuku. Okay now I'm getting emotional. You guys are the best team mates I have ever had, honestly. I have never felt this way about any other team before. Maybe it's because we've been through so much together. If you guys don't feel the same way about me, TOO BAD, put up with me because I love you guys. Hahaha. I hope we'll always stay together and that we'll be team mates until we'll be too old to fence. Friends like you guys don't come by easily, please stay with me okay even though I know I drive you guys crazy. Hahaha.

Love you all deep deep deeeeepppppp!!!

Hello Tricia Soh,

You get one whole blog post dedicated to you, just because you're my sister. We made it through another year together without killing each other. The shock. No small feat seeing as we sleep in the same bed. Oh the times you kicked me and I felt like kicking you right back off the bed.. Good times. I think you're kinda weird and screwed up but I keep telling myself that this is a phase and I know that you're a good kid at heart. Shit why do I sound so mature. I am growing old ): But whatever, I still love you lots even though you are one messed up girl. The only thing I can say to you is, whatever shit you wanna do, do it now because before you know it, you'll be as old as me and you'll regret. I just want you to be happy.

I love you (:

I just realised, I never did blog about Christmas. It's been many many years since Christmas was special for me. I guess over the years as the pile of presents shrank and people stopped sending Christmas cards, Christmas just kind of lost the magic for me. So I really have to thank darling for making my Christmas this year a really special one.

Wei Zhong called me early in the morning and told me to open my door and look at the floor. So I did. I found a christmas card, which led me to another card, and another card in the lift, and another card on the first floor which finally led me to, a heart made out of more cards! In the middle of the heart, there was a box(a purple box, my darling is good with details). In the box, there was more stuff and his iphone was in the box playing the song "Try". In every single Christmas card, it was dated a different year and it went all the way up to 2030(See, I told you, good with details! Hha) Awww. I melted when I saw everything. It is one of the best surprises anyone has ever given me. It's been a long long time since I've been treated this way darling. Thank you so so much. Santa really made my wish come true this Christmas, I've got you!

I have gotten so so lazy about blogging. There's just too much to do. Everytime I think about PD I give myself a heartattack, so I simply don't think about it. I'm bad that way. I should start, soon. Well, soonish. The holidays are going to be over in a week. I am going to miss this lazing around in bed, waking up late, spending time with my darling, clubbing, and hanging with the girls. Shit why do good things never last. I wish I had a time machine to rewind this past 2 weeks ):

Where do I even begin?

Feels like I just came back, but it's already been a week. So much happened. Clubbing and hanging out with the girlfriends, doing work, fencing(still, no break even after comps) and spending time with you. I'm still in this dreamlike state over you, which is a good thing. I had a week to rest, not sure if what I've been doing for the past week is considered resting. I doubt. I am still so so tired, so much sleep debt to pay. I don't think I'll ever be able to get enough rest. I need to go away to somewhere peaceful and just sleep sleep sleep. When you have so much to think and worry about, it's hard to put it all away, shut my brain off and just sleep.

I am so tired.

It's been tiring tiring tiring these past few days. It's no joke going for two competitions in a row with absolutely no rest in between. We had to fly to Thailand right after we finished in Taipei and once we landed in Thailand, our event was the next day. I really like this life though. This jetsetting around the world, competing, eating, shopping and having fun. No need to worry about training, school or work. This is the life. If only we could go on a tour of the world. Perhaps an intensive training camp and then a few competitions and end things up with a nice long recovery camp. Hahaha I WISH. Fencing Singapore would never get the money to send the team overseas like that. They can't even afford to pay for us, we have to pay for our own trips. Ugh.

Well I think I'm enjoying Thailand a lot more than Taipei. The shopping for one thing is heavenly. There is so much to buy, I just can't control myself. And and there is loadsssss to eat :D I can't control my mouth either. I just keep eating and eating and eating. I think I've put on 5kg from this trip, omg. Soooo tonight is the last night, time to unwind, party and enjoy! (:

Well after team event today, Taipei Open is well and truly over. It's been a few hard and tiring days. Right now all I feel like doing is lying in bed and not moving for a few days. We're headed out in a bit to Shilin again for last minute shopping and play. Last night, ALL IN, LETS ROLL.

I am feeling much better and much happier now (:

Sigh it looks as though everybody brought their game yesterday. Everyone except me that is. Sigh. I have no idea how come I screwed up so bad, no idea. It was as though I lost my fire. I have no idea whats going on with me. It's messing with me, messing with my head and my heart. Argh, I wish I could just block everything out and concentrate on whats important, which is fencing. I just want to be happy, I'm trying to be. I don't want to hurt anymore. It's too much to deal with. I can't deal with all this pain and yet be full of fire to fence. I am not superwoman. Please, make me happy.

I have a really painful bruise on my butt now. You know those chairs that automatically close when you stand up? Yeah I forgot that the chair would retract when I stood up so I sat down without pulling the seat back down. Ouch ):

Okay, I have been chased to go shower and then to bed. So I'm sitting here all clean and nice smelling now as you would be glad to know. I have decided to not think about it anymore and focus focus focus on my competition. I am going to kick some assssssss, fight fight fight! Hha I'm even wearing my super girl boxers for good luck. Lets hope it works.

Good night.

We're hereeeeee in Taipei and I finally got to eat chicken and drink bubble tea today.

And yet, this might be the worst trip ever.
I don't know how to feel. I wish I could control my heart and input emotions that I want to feel into it. I want this pain and hurt to stop. I don't know what's going to happen and where this is going. I wish I did.

I just want the pain to stop.

we're at the departure hall now. We're supposed to be at the gate now but as usual ann is hungry and she has to be fed. So we're at toast box now having a quick bite before running for the gate. My tummy's feeling kinda funky. I have no idea why ):

Byebyebye singapore! See you in 2 weeks' time! Omggggg. So so long.

Today had to be one of the most tiring trainings, ever. I am exhausted. And yet I am still up blogging. I just felt the need to write something, I'm not sure what, but something. Which is why I'm here. Actually, I'm not sure if I'm making much sense. Hmm. Okay okay bed time, Nic.

Okay I'm really supposed to be working on my reflection journal while I wait for training to start but I'm getting distracted by stuff like facebook and msn. I fell asleep on the bus on the way to clementi and I missed my stop(which rarely happens, I have an internal alarmclock). I got kinda lost, went all the way to like Alexandar Hospital cause the bus went on the expressway. But all's good, I managed to find a way back in the end. And no I did not take cab. I just crossed the road and took the same bus back. Smart eh? (:

Some seniors were doing manicures as fundraising for their FYP today. Decided to do it for fun. I did a really funky combination. Something I have never done before, HOT PINK AND ORANGE. Cool or what. Check it out (:

Time for more updates. Some pictures from my phone this time.